"The noblest prospect which a Scotchman ever sees, is the high road that leads him to England!" – Samuel Johnson
I’ve just returned to Sheffield following a trip home to Roxburghshire. One of the more fun things I did whilst home was to send people down here text messages in relation to the fact that last Wednesday Scotland were not beaten by Croatia, the team that put England out of the running for Euro 2008 by beating them twice, but England were beaten by France, a team Scotland have beaten twice in the last 18 months. Similarly, possibly the only joy any Scottish rugby fan has had this year was the Calcutta Cup victory against England last month.
However, this gloating is slightly tempered by a very salient fact: I am now a Scot living in England.
I know what those of you who’ve read my profile on this blog will be thinking: “Dunc, you were born in Taunton, which is in England, so why do you call yourself Scottish?”
Well to answer you I say that my parents are Scottish, all the living relatives I speak to are Scottish, I was raised and educated in Scotland and most of my friends are Scottish. I have worn a kilt convincingly, when called upon to I can dance the eightsome reel, I like drinking single malts. So, like Rod Stewart or Alastair Darling, despite being born in England I have never actually felt English. I am de facto, if not quite de jure, Scottish.
Living in England for the first time in two decades has been somewhat surprising to me. More so than I expected, England really does feel like a different country. I now constantly feel as though I’m playing a Calcutta Cup of my own feelings for the lands either side of the Teviots.
Since the Act of Union, a common way for Scottish writers to get ahead in England has been for them to write a scathing piece about how bad things are “back home.” I’m not prepared to do that though I can’t help but admit that there are some definite benefits to being in England.
First of all, there is the fact that being further south makes the weather slightly better. Whilst it still pisses down with rain a lot, is still pretty windy and temperatures are highly unlikely to ever get above 30 degrees in Sheffield, the climate is marginally more pleasant than back home.
Then there are the everyday experiences that are not coloured to nearly the same extent with overtones of menace or aggression. When I use public transport in Sheffield I don’t worry that looking the wrong way at someone is going to end up with me being treated for stab wounds the way I did in Glasgow. At no stage in my seven months here have I been approached by a Burberryed-up ned carrying a Buckfast bottle and asked for money, something that was pretty much a daily occurrence north of the border. Going to the pub in England is also a more enjoyable experience in England. If I want to drink to something below the level at which I pass out this seems to be far more acceptable here than in Scotland where a pub is essentially an alcoholic horses trough.
The English themselves have some quite positive qualities. Whilst not quite to American levels, they are a good deal more optimistic than the average Scot and don’t decry ambition and drive with the same mockery that greets the determined in Scotland. English people as well seem to be able to actually talk to each other when they’re on busses, in shops boozing in the pub as opposed to the Scottish way of communicating in a variety of grunts and growls.
Perhaps though the thing that is best missing in England is the chippiness that characterises so many Scots. So many conversations about Scotland’s problems always seem to end with the English being blamed. More pathetically, whenever England plays any country at any sport crowds go mental when a goal/try/whatever is scored against them. So many English people, particularly in Edinburgh, get such a hard time because of their country of birth as if by being English they are responsible for everything that has gone wrong in Scotland’s history since 1707. Yet despite their being anti-Scottish articles constantly in the tabloid and broadsheet press down here, I have in seven months encountered two people who have made an issue of my nationality. I doubt very much an English person in Scotland would be able to say the same.
But I refuse to eulogise too enthusiastically about England for it does have its downsides. Firstly, there is the food you get served at an Englishperson’s house and in most English eateries. If any English chefs are reading, try looking up the following word in your nearest dictionary: F-L-A-V-O-U-R? Trust me, food is better when it has it. Similarly, why when you order a cup of tea in England do you usually end up with half a pint of milk mixed with hot water?
Perhaps the thing I least admire in England is the north/south divide. Whilst I had read many times about this before moving here I had no idea just how seriously it is taken by people. Scotland is fortunate that any similar rivalry (Glasgow/Edinburgh for instance) is largely confined to joking terms.
And there is something about Scottish cities that their English counterparts just can’t match. Sheffield has pubs and clubs that are, at the very least, equal to Glasgow’s or Edinburgh’s but they just don’t have the spirit found in those two cities drinking dens. I miss that spirit so much that I now find Iains Banks and Rankin or, more worryingly, listening to Deacon Blue as a way of getting that spirit back into my life.
Sheffield also has none of Glasgow or Edinburgh’s other night activities. The cafes close at 5pm, the bookstores close at 6pm, there are no comedy clubs. In short there is nothing like the non-boozing nightlife here that can be enjoyed easily on either side of the M8.
Scotland has a history and culture that is separate from England’s and that is something all Scots should be proud of. For a tiny country we have influenced world history far more than we ever had any right to. But we should also acknowledge that there are things we can learn from our southern neighbour; we could drink less, fight less, decry ambition less and stop using aggression at every available opportunity and still be a great country.
Just as long as we don’t start losing games to France and Croatia.
